When there are problems in our lives and we cannot put our finger on the origin of them, chances are it has something to do with something we are doing that against what is good and honest and Holy. I know many people do not believe in anything, or so they say, but I do not understand why some sound wisdom cannot help them as well. So let that be that.
When there is something we are churning over, it has an ability to harm us physically as well as mentally. That is why it is better to just confront whatever it is and you shall find Peace. That is not to say the problem will go away or it will be any easier, but you would be amazed at the weight that is lifted from upon your shoulders.
I understand this is not, per se, what you would expect to find on a milblog. I do believe that many military persons who have difficulty moving forward could benefit from someone who is a civilian yet has lived through hell and came back.
I will never know what or how you managed to survive what you have lived throught. At the same time, many people could not live the life I had and made it through. In a way, I am more alone in my experiences than you are in yours. At least you can talk to your brothers about what you’ve been through. After all, you were together. I traveled my road alone.
What many of you may already know is that most answers are quite simple and quite difficult. Sometimes the hard part is realizing the question. Let’s try a few symptoms:
1. Lonliness. An overwhelming sense of emptiness fills the air and you find yourself not knowing why (many things).
2. Depression. It feels like the world is crushing in all around you and you can’t even move to do anything about it, not that it matters.
3. Fear. No matter how many prayers you say, no matter how many times your friends tell you it’s going to be okay, it just isn’t. You can’t walk down that street or you can’t leave your house or on the other hand go into any buildings.
These are the big three that come to my mind. Many things can cause these feelings and each one is different, but they all have a basic theme. Something happened, something changed, and now something isn’t right. If you don’t mind, I will share with you (vaguely) what is happening in my life. This way maybe you can better understand what I am trying to share with you.
I am living sinfully, and it is eating me up alive. It has paralyzed me. I’m afraid to confront it, but my fear is unreasonable. It consumes me, yet I know I have to do this. Also, my past prevents me from running for any political office. What is the simple answer? Confront my sin, repent, turn away from it, and trust God to lead me in His plan for my life. What is the difficult thing I have to do? Confronting my sin. Doing the unknown. Leaving behind the only people who’ve taken care of me during all these years. I can no longer bear the weight of this sin.
I wish I had a magic wand to take away the sorrows of the world, but I don’t. I do, however, know Who does. His name is Jesus Christ. If you do not have any desire to discuss Him, fine. Don’t. I will not allow you to deny me my right to do so.
I shall continue to pray for all of you and if you could find a moment here or there, please pray for His strength for me to overcome my sin. Thank you.
PS. I had to write about this because it is holding me back from writing, from leaving the house, from living, from getting a lot of things done. Thanks for letting me bend your ‘ear’. God bless you all.